There are times that you just know that the reason you are rejected is because of your looks over other things.
Comparing friends to spouses doesn’t actually undermine the system, it points out the ridiculousness of basing your decisions on looks. You don’t choose your best friend based on looking at a group of pictures before you choose this person to be your confidant, why should you choose your spouse that way?
I did not for one minute say that looks aren’t important. I said that basing your initial decision to date someone based on their looks is ridiculous, unfair, and the girls are better off without someone who does that. To reject someone based on the shape of their nose or the size of their eyes as opposed to whether or not she’ll make a good wife is unfair. Of course the second a guy sees a picture, he’ll either want to look more into her or say feh, she’s not for me. His judgement is completely clouded by this measly little picture of a girl as opposed to the rest, more important information on the page that actually make a difference to your marriage, as opposed to her looks, which should take a secondary stance as opposed to the most important.
I’m not saying that he has to go out with every single girl. But I can bet you that he’s been redt girls that on paper would be what he’s looking for, but because he already knows what they look like, he rejects them based on that.
Let’s be real-most guys are not going to get a drop dead gorgeous stunner. So why not bring your expectations down to reality, take the rose colored glasses off, and give the girl who’s not a model but is still pretty a chance?
Personally, I’d rather be rejected knowing that he didn’t like something in my hashkafah or personality, because that’s what’s important to me, and if the guy doesn’t think that we’re compatible based on that, then that’s fine with me, because at least a chance was given. I’m obviously not going to go out with someone that’s totally off my radar, but sometimes everything can make sense on paper but when you meet them and you speak to them, the pieces may not match up exactly as well as you thought they would. But that’s also giving a chance, and like I mentioned before, they can very often be looked at as learning experiences, and help to fine tune what you’re looking for.