CTL, I would not be offended in the least, but I don’t get offended easily so you can’t solve this from my opinion. You probably were hoping to do some sort of calculation based on the large number of replies you’d get from your fellow coffee room members, but for the most part they’ve ignored your post. My sympathies… I’ve been at the receiving end similarly. I liked Mammele’s suggestion a lot and am not sure why you remain fixated on two separate invitations. Letting the guests decide saves you from your wife getting upset at the possibility of offending someone. And do you really think some third cousin twice removed will drive all the way out to attend the Chuppah?
geordie6, the shmorg that CTL described is usually set up here in the US, for the guests to enjoy before the badeken. It can be very elaborate, featuring a vast array of hot and cold dishes and the requisite sushi, or simpler, with just some fruit and cake so the guests don’t starve (Jews are always very careful not to get too hungry) before the festivities begin.