I fully agree with the sentiments expressed in the OP. Too often people shoehorn their preconceived notions and ideals into the words of the Torah and Chazal, instead of approaching them with a blank slate and an earnest eagerness to know what the Torah and Chazal really want from us.
Or, in the words of Justice Antoin Scalia:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/quotes-2#post-608956
Intellectual honesty goes a long way towards preventing the distortion and perversion of text in order to support preconceived notions.
(Disclaimer: Lest this post be misinterpreted as an attack on anyone or anything, I hereby declare that this comment is only referring to the narrow point raised in the OP, and not to any other topic or persons; please do not misconstrue it as such.)