With much respect and admiration for your perseverance and belief in G-d despite hardship, different people are different and different events affect them differently. Just because you didn’t go OTD because of certain circumstances, doesn’t mean the same situation might not leave another person shattered enough to seek elsewhere.
I believe every person who goes OTD will be judged according to his capabilities. On a personal note, I also went through a hard time as a teen (okay, a very hard time.) I also happen to find that my greatest satisfaction in life comes from spiritual fulfillment and connection to G-d. It’s something I was born more connected to – I do not take credit for it. Since this was the case, I knew if I made the wrong choices it’ll affect the way I truly want to live my life, and I’d only be punishing myself. That’s not to say I didn’t seriously consider it sometimes. People are complex.
And people are different. There are teens whose need for love is so great that they will go to whatever lengths they feel they need to get it – including going OTD. I will never attempt to judge such a person – AT ALL. But I do wish they knew the truth and would have found love in the right places.
Yes, I also believe curiosity, ta’avah and attraction to the non-Jewish culture is a driving force in certain people’s path OTD – particularly adults who leave the fold. (And yes, they prob felt that way for years.)
As a teen, I read the Chorev, Derech Hashem, parts of Cjovos Halevavos, Mesilas Yesharim, anti-missionary materials, Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan’s books, the Kuzari, R’Moshe Eiseman’s books, Beyond Your Ego and many others. There are answers if you are looking. I also was not afraid to ask some really provocative questions – and believe it or not- I got answers most of the time, and I did not feel shunned. Maybe it was because I had all the correct outer trappings of a model Bais Yaakov girl.
Anyway, I think Klal Yisroel is the most beautiful nation – look how many of us stay strong despite temptation, whatever form it may take! And look how many of us yearn to do the right thing despite the way we actually may conduct our lives.
To whoever took the time to read this: Thank you!