On the surface I appear,
so frum, so sweet,
charming and happy,
well rounded complete.
but inside I’m crumbled,
destroyed and overthrown,
no dignity, no strength,
no opinion of my own.
the tears keep on rolling,
my eyes just don’t dry,
in pain, I weep,
I can’t stop to cry.
I am not frum,
not jewish not good,
haven’t kept shabbos,
hiding under my hood.
No really, I’m struggling with my emunah now especially with elul and rosh hashana…its very hard for me. Here’s what I wrote to my therapist:
The day I arrived,
I entered Your room,
I was sure it was pointless,
A life of just gloom.
I was a failure,
So helpless and dumb,
Pointless in this world,
Suffering until numb.
I traveled the path,
Of agony and pain
I shed buckets of tears,
My cries were in vain.
I was alone in this world,
So dark and so cold,
Everyone was wicked,
Things rustic and old.
But now someone joined me,
On this hard, bumpy journey,
Gave me comfort and strength,
My defense, my attorney.
Supported, built up,
Finally im on an incline.
Thank You so much,
I cannot say it enough,
you are just priceless,