mp- Having faith does not mean denying your feelings. It doesnt mean suppressing pain, hurt or upset. Its a life-long work, but to the point where it is instinct to realize your emotions may be misplaced.
It is expected to hit bumps, and bigger ones as life goes on. That is the purpose of life. Life is about the hurdles and stumbles and challenges, and between them we are given breaks to rest, and recharge. Just like that miracle and rescue was so clearly designed and orchestrated just for you, that rock in the road that made you fall was shaped just so and placed just there just for you, but with the utmost love and care, so you can stand up and become stronger and more clearly see Him in retrospect. Like the mother may let her child ignore her call for supper so that he will learn for himself that supper is for his sake, to feed him, though it seemed a hindrance. Like the teacher steps back and lets the 2 kids argue it out themselves, so that they can learn problem-solving on their own. And she may even be the one to purposely pair those two up! The pain and suffering are not nothing but precisely what is drawing you higher up. Its those that will have the greatest reward. They are brochos in disguise.
Nomtw- hey! Sadly gotta hafta nod and say I know what you’re saying with school…. Do you have a good friend who recognizes your uncertainty in yourself? Who can pump you up and point out your strengths, accomplishments, sensitivities, achievements? It can make a world of a difference if its coming from a sincere place. Its easy to be blinded to your own worth and good. Its a very easy trap for the yetzer hora to entangle us in. And a hard one to climb out of. If you feel you are making a difference, doing s/t for others, its the best thing you can do for yourself. Try to find yourself a feel-good job or volunteer program for the summer? Or help out in a chessed org? Wish I had the right words to open your eyes to all that you are….