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In relation to your other post which unfortunately had to be deleted. a story was told of a soul very dear to the Ribbono Shel Olam that came up to Shomayim who had been a Tzaddik but had a problem with Gaiva. He was asked whether he would prefer to be cleansed in Gehinom or come back to this world where he would suffer and not be able to see why, being a msakein for his gaivah. He choose to suffer here.
There are many other explanations for suffering which seems to be undeserved. Please go see a Chushuv, preferably a Zakain, Talmid Chuchum and discuss your personal issues and questions with him. I believe this is very important for you to do.