W/O/W: You are not alone. The grief that parents suffer with OTD is massive, but the potential for changing ourselves is also great. You will need to develop and strengthen your davening, sometimes all the advice on earth is well meaning but unproductive. And just a hopeful note about the residence situation: if your son does move out in the end, your relationship with him may improve at that point. Try to be involved with the decision of where he will move and with whom he will live. And afterward, find out what is his main mode of communication—typically these days it is facebook, but may be something else like e-mail. Then go there and communicate with him that way. As long as he stays in your home, the relationship with his siblings has to be a priority. Each kid is probably having their own reactions, and it is worthwhile to seek some private time with each one to let them air their concerns to you. It’s OK I think to let them know you are sad, but give them chizuk at the same time if you can find the right words that will reach each child’s heart.
And finally I want mention that it is a disaster for all of us, that a parent suffering this massive grief must turn to an internet blog for support and advice, and it is indeed offered and received well here. Where are all the in-person support networks for parents and siblings of OTD, all of whom are grieving deeply? I hope this matter will be considered well at the upcoming asifa on internet. How will you keep children away from internet when adults depend on internet to fill large gaps in support in the community? And one other point, please don’t use therapy as the final solution for every difficult problem. We have heard it ad nauseum, and at this point we have heard from many who followed this advice and found it ineffective.