write or wrong- having been through what you are going through, I can really relate, and although it’s good that you have reached out and gotten support through the coffee room, you need to ask your own shailos and make your own decisions.
We kept our daughter home as long as possible, until we realized that she was miserable and we were miserable. So we decided together (my daughter plus us) that she should find an apartment for herself. I cried long and hard when we made that decision, I had really tried everything and anything but it just was not working! At that point she was twenty.
Did this whole parsha affect my other children? Yes. It made them stronger in their yiddishkiet and kind and compassionate people. They saw that even though we had an OTD kid we didn’t boot her out of the house like a used tissue. One of my other children mentored kids at risk or siblings of kids at risk.
Tell me msseeker, if someone chas v’shalom has a child with cancer, do they kick the child out or put them away in an institution? A kid who is OTD is suffering and in pain and is acting out. By kicking a sixteen year old boy out of the house, you are teaching the rest of the children that unless you are perfect and fit the “mold”, we will not love you and you are persona non grata in our home.
Anyways, the main thing is to be very patient, he’s going through a rough time. Try to focus on the things he does rather than the things he does not. It would be great if you could find a big brother for him to hang out with, someone he could make a connection to. Also,daven and cry to Hashem to help you and help your son.
I would be happy to help you if you have any other questions. I have gone through this and I know how awful it is. Above all, do not be ashamed as so many of us have been through this. Hang on!