WT, thanks so much for responding candidly (Hashem’s reason for the internet!) and respectfully. But I’m afraid I still don’t understand. You say you’re confused while you seem to trust your parents. So why don’t you just follow their ways blindly for the time being, without understanding why, until you figure things out? If you were lost somewhere and you knew someone trustworthy who knows the way, you wouldn’t hesitate to follow them. Is it that you’re not sure theirs is the right way? Still, isn’t it worth it just in case it’s all true and we have to give din v’cheshbon at the end?
Ugh, I must sound like one of those musser zogers. Please understand, I’m not trying to lecture you, only trying to understand teens, especially my relative, who’d never grant me such an enlightening discussion.
Another thing. You feel terrible about being a bad influence on your siblings, and you don’t want to hurt anyone (your parents I assume?). Yet this is not enough to keep you on the straight and narrow. Why? You’re not even enjoying what you’re doing! And you don’t seem at all spiteful or bitter. Now I’m even more confused than you are! Do I make sense?