“I do remember years ago, my husband would complain….”
W.O.W, you mentioned about a month ago about Rabbi Lawrence (Leib) Kelleman. In his book, to Kindle a Soul, he mentions that (good and bad)emotions from parents to young children (when you are building that relationship) come out in the teenage years (when that relationship is tried and tested).
“I do remember years ago, my husband would complain about my son not staying in the shul for all the tefillah, or not praying, or not sitting near him. I told him to just focus on the positive, and forget anything negative. It got to the point where my son didn’t want to daven in his Shul anymore. Then sometimes, they’d argue about it at home. Do you think this could be part of the problem? “
Yes, he has many bad memories of being in shul with his father. He may wake up late and put on tefillin and daven on his own, but he won’t do something that reminds him of bad times. The problem is worsened if your husband compared him to other boys or made mention of what others would think.
It seems to me that your son has lost trust/faith in your husband. And I’m sorry to say this, but lost a little trust in you by extension, although not so much. How to earn it back? That’s the million dollar question (but I can only give you my 2 cents). IMHO give and love unconditionally and don’t get upset when he does something stupid. That does not mean that you cannot set fair boundaries. But when you do set fair boundaries, explain them to him so that he can understand why they are fair. If he violates them, don’t say anything unless it hurts others. And even then, speak calmly.