Reply To: Going off the Derech

tahini-thanks for sharing your perspective and wise words. There is a huge difference, however, between the changes your son made and my son’s changes. Your son didn’t leave yiddishkeit. If my son became modern orthodox, or anything else where he is still adhering to the mitzvos, I would accept it as his self expression and his choice. I can’t expect him to be an exact replica of his parents. But to leave yiddishkeit and be mechalel Shabbos is a different story.

As much as it makes sense when people tell me not to worry what the community thinks, in practice, it’s nearly impossible. It’s not my kavod I’m worried about. It’s how people will treat my other children, the opportunities that will be denied them, the whispers as they pass by, the friends that will shy away, the schools that might not take them, the shidduchim that might not happen etc etc. Unfortunately, my children may be judged by the actions of their brother, since they live together, and probably some of it does ‘rub off’ on them, right?? I am hoping that, like you said, eventually the emunah and yiddishkeit coming from the home will help him to distinguish the good from the bad, and choose the good!

Sam2-I’ve done some of what you said, it’s just that he hates when I make ‘those comments’.