Reply To: Going off the Derech

Syag Lchochma-I think you would benefit from some of the ideas of Twisted Parenting. Even if a person did not adopt their entire hashgafa, there are some very true and valuable points that they make. One of the things I am learning is how our words affect our children according to ‘their interpretation’, and not according to our meaning nor our intention (nor necessarily the truth of our words either!). That’s how we can end up either damaging our child chas v’shalom, or make worse any inner turmoil they are already going through. I think, like TP says, kids are ‘allergic to control’, and any conversations with our kids that might appear that we are trying to influence, affect or control our kids will be met with resistance, either externally or internally.

mom12-the yeshiva my son wants is so low pressure and open, that I’d rather have him home. But, I would prefer that he go to a more supervised yeshiva, rather than have him home. But after speaking to Avi Fishoff, the goal behind TP is to strengthen the relationship between him and us, so how can we do that if he’s living in yeshiva? Also, he wants to go with a few of the kids from the chevra, and we’re hoping to weaken that connection, not strengthen it. Unfortunately, he’s going to be the one to decide, bc we ‘can’t’ force our will on him. Truthfully, I don’t know what to daven for..