Reply To: Going off the Derech

So, I’ve been reading all about Twisted Parenting, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to do it. I agree with the hashkafa, but today, when my son walked out in jeans and a tee shirt with a very provocative girl on it, I just burst out crying….exactly what TP says I’m NOT supposed to do. No matter what any liberal-minded person tells me about how b’seder it is, my son knows very well that he is making a loud statement about his observance, or lack of it. He told me he also wants to pierce his ear, and get a tattoo. I am trying to reassure myself by thinking, he has to go down before he can go up, and that the sooner he goes down, the sooner he can come back. But I’m still having a hard time accepting this…

Maybe it sounds terrible, but I remember many years ago, hearing how someone left Judaism and ‘became’ a goya. I remember everyone was telling the parents to sit shiva for her. I thought it was something punitive, to punish her for leaving the religion..and it is. But going through this with my son, I now see a different interpretation. I love my son with all my heart, but as I look at his black hat and jacket hanging in the closet, I can’t help but feel I’m in mourning. Baruch Hashem, he is alive and in our life. But my heart is in mourning, sitting shiva perhaps, for the yeshiva boy he used to be..