smc, I am sorry that you are going through that. i am not sure where you are located but if you are in Brooklyn then there are safe programs for individuals like you. you can try going to Our Place and speak to a counselor there. they can probably assist you in finding a therapist or anything else that you may need. I have also heard of Yeshiva Simchas Chaim but I am not sure if it is for you at this point.
Again, I am not sure where you are located but there is also a program called Priority 1 located in Cedarhurst, NY that may be able to help you.
Good Luck!