To you WOW.
No. I’m not going to tell you any advice, direction, instruction. I’m the least qualified. Just a consoling thought.
One of the messages of Pesach Haggadah is the important piece of the arba’ah banim. Everyone belongs, and there’s a way for everyone. The correct tools are sometimes not readily at hand, it may take time, but the Torah had him, and how to approach him in mind. Do I know how to interpret its message? Of course not, as I wrote before, but seforim do deal with it, caring and kindhearted Gedolim and Manhigim can guide and steer you in the right direction.
One more point, I’ve heard in the name of a Godol, one who is into this field too. HaShem, the Yodeah Machshavos, the One Who knows what’s in a person’s innermost thoughts and conscious, and the Korei Hadoros Merosh, Who planned and effected generations and histories, is the one who brought this terrible OTD “phenomenon” into existence. We don’t know His cheshbonos, but it’s a modern “mageifa”, a plague not witnessed in any of the previous generations. So He certainly understands the nisyonos you and him are going through. No need to be extra, needlessly hard on yourselves.
Again, be strong, ??????, we’re all standing and rooting for you.