Reply To: Going off the Derech

Thank-you Moderator.

I was about to say that it’s quite unfortunate that this thread was being used for something that has nothing to do with the original topic.

For anyone who’s been following my saga, I will give a short update.

My son is now 20, and is in the army. He is still OTD. I have learned many things the past few years, and was given lots of advice from lots of people. Often, conflicting advice. It’s an extremely painful and difficult test when a child goes off the derech. It challenges our faith, our marriage and our identity. I don’t think there is a theory or therapy that will work in all situations, given that there are usually many variables. But I do think that certain attitudes must be included, even though they may contradict, and it is up to each parent to find that balance that works for both them and their child. There’s no guarantee! But most critical is to make sure your child knows you love them. It sounds so simple, but this itself is a huge challenge bc you are not happy with anything they are doing…and they know it. If you can convey this love, then I also believe you must set limits. But it has to be done with love, not with the need to take control and exert authority. Our husbands have to be very careful that they don’t get into power struggles with the OTD child. They will not win! And I believe it will be an obstacle for the child to come back. We learn how to respect and love Hashem based on the relationship we have with our parents. If we keep this in mind at all times, then I think it will help us in our interactions with our OTD child and all our children.

Perhaps the most important thing is Tefillah and keeping our emunah strong. It is a test for our child as much as it is for ourselves. We don’t see the bigger picture, but Hashem is directing everything for the ultimate good. My role is to be a loving mother, available and dedicated, praying that my son overcome his challenges and return to the family that awaits him…..and Hashem. Hatzlacha to all…