LU, I’m getting a little confused trying to figure out what you’re saying.
Does one prioritize himself (or- oneself) ?
Sure, I put myself, and my own needs, on my list of priorities. I wouldn’t be breathing otherwise.
There are a lot of other people on the list of priorities most people have. The more the merrier, most would agree.
We all start with parents (though they don’t make it onto a list of priorities until we develop some cognizance and a sense of responsibility). That’s an important priority, as in Kibbud Av v’Eim. Siblings. Friends, some closer than others. Spouse- that’s a major one- ishto k’gufo, as another poster mentioned, and a wife has a major obligation to keep her spouse on that list as well. Your spouse’s parents may or may not be included in the Kibbus Av v’Eim obligation, but they’ll be somewhere on the list too. Then (Mazel Tov!) your children park themselves prominently on your list of priorities and make sure you don’t forget they’re there.
We all learn to do a complicated juggling act, without chas v’shalom dropping any of the balls. We weigh our own needs and those of all the other people on the list, and act accordingly. I prioritize my own needs, and won’t, for example, give up a few nights of sleep because I have a lonely friend who wants to stay on the phone with me until 3 am. Or because I’m baking cakes for my best friend’s vort. I will, however, give up many night’s sleep for a child who isn’t feeling well, or needs 1 and 4 am feedings.
Your husband’s Torah learning is a very important thing on that list. For you and for him! Between the two of you, you’ll figure out how to make sure he fits your needs as well as his learning into your daily lives. He doesn’t necessarily have to take care of one to the detriment of the other.