akuperma: See my earlier comment above that I addressed to you. If the husband is offering his wife support in his home then the beis din halachicly can’t make him send her money in lieu of the support he’s offering her in his home.
“There is and has always been a wide gap between the halacha in the sefarim and what happens in the real world.”
The consequences of failing to follow the halachic laws on gittin is severe when a Get is pressured kneged halacha resulting in a Get Me’usa and the potential for future mamzeirim.
“One or both of them want the other to be out of his/her life.”
In the halachic system, unless there are specific halachicly recognized (and proven) “grounds”, a divorce can only be obtained with the mutual consent of both spouses. One spouse cannot impose a divorce upon the other unwillingly.
“Creating an economic incentive to give a get is no coercion”
An economic penalty for not granting it is recognized as coercion under halacha.
“if the husband goes to civil courts”
Neither party is permitted to initiate proceedings in civil courts to adjudicate any dispute. (An exception might be granted if one party defies beis din.)
In terms of reconciliation, if either spouse is seeking that then the general rule under halacha is that the beis din must pursue that and cannot force a divorce.