Aries – Both of your points are excellent. I still recall how my wife (we were just dating then) would tell me about so and so and how they were engaged and what kind of ring/stone they got and how so many of her friends were getting engaged. There is certainly something of a herd mentality involved. People approach marriage as something “everyone else is doing”, even if they don’t admit it. It looked to me (I know I may be wrong) that people get excited with the idea of having an engagement party and then an ofruf and a wedding and sheva brachos and to see all of their friends show up and be happy for THEM, not to mention the presents – who doesn’t like presents. The problem is that once the lights go out at the last sheva brachos, and sometimes even before that, the excitement wears off and you now have to deal with reality. Suddenly you have to start doing your own dishes and laundry and you have all kinds of bills, and maybe you don’t have all that much money to spare… That is when the bond of marriage is forged. It is a time when couples need to learn to lean on each other for support and get through it together. The problem is that many times each person turns to their mommy or daddy instead. Unfortunately, the parents often do more harm than good. Instead of encouraging the couple to work through the problem, many lay blame on the son/daughter in law and plant seeds of discontent in the mind of their child.
The other problem I see is that there is too much pressure on young people to get married. These days I hear all the time something like “…and she is already almost 20 and not even engaged yet…” This constant pressure by the community to hurry up and marry is simply ridiculous. As if a girl is worthless/hopeless or worse, something is wrong with her, if she is not engaged right out of HS or Sem. How often have I heard “Nu, they went out on 3 dates already, what is taking so long? They need to decide yes or no”. Well, maybe 3 dates is no longer enough to decide. Maybe people need to back off and allow the couple more more time to see if they’re compatible. We live in complicated times. We have a role reversal in the home that is changing the dynamics of marriage – but we are not changing with it nor educating people how to deal with it.
I believe that the divorce crisis is in large part due to a combination of these factors. Coupled with the “disposable” mentality we now live with, it is easy to see why people are so quick to let go when the going gets tough.