The story of Noach modernized
…And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In six months I am going to
> make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the
> evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two
> of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to
> build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications
> for an Ark.
>
> Six months later… “Noah,” called the Lord, “Where is the Ark?” “Lord,
> please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best. But there were big
problems.
>
> “First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction
> project, and your plans didn’t meet code. So, I had to hire an engineer
> to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not
> the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.
>
> “Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by
> building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the
> city planning commission. Then, I had problems getting enough wood for
> the Ark. There was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had
> to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Agency that I needed the wood to
> SAVE the owls. But they wouldn’t let me catch any. So, no owls.
>
> “The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
> negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before
> anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters on
> the Ark, and still no owls.
>
> “Then, I started gathering up animals and got sued by an animal rights
> group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got
> the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the Ark
> without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
> They didn’t take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over
> the conduct of the Supreme Being.
>
> “Then, the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new
> flood plain. I gave them a globe. Right now, I’m still trying to resolve
> a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how
> many Croatians I’m supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets,
> claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And, I
> just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax.
>
> “I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least another five
> years,” Noah wailed.
>
> The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across
> the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, “You mean you’re not going to
> destroy the earth?” he asked hopefully.
>
> “No”, said the Lord sadly. “The government already has.”