In front of a church in Mexico City sat two beggars. The one closest to the door was bearded, and had a cup with a large Star of David. Next to him sat a clean-shaven man, holding a cup with a large cross on it.
Services over, the congregants began streaming out. The first man to leave looked at the bearded beggar with disgust, then, with an exaggerated motion, dropped a 100-peso note into the second beggar’s crossed receptacle. The second person, equally irate, brushed by the bearded beggar to drop a 50-peso note into the next cup. And so it went for ten minutes.
Finally, a compassionate young priest, who had been watching from the wings, approached the bearded man with the empty cup. “Sir,” he said, “Why don’t you get a cup with a cross on it, like the fellow next to you? Look how much money he’s getting just by having a cross on his cup!”
Whereupon the bearded beggar turned to his companion and said, “Yossele, look who’s telling us how to do our business!”
A man named Moishe goes to a rabbi and complains about all the problems he has in his life: his wife, his children, his work and everything else he can think of. Every week he goes to the rabbi and every week the list gets longer. And every week the rabbi always listens quietly and doesn’t say a word. Until one week, the rabbi finally says to Moishe, “Why don’t you convert?”
Moishe, shocked that the rabbi would suggest something so scandalous asks, “How will that solve my problems?”
The rabbi answers, “It won’t, but it will solve mine.”
A Gabbai approaches a guest in the shul and says, “I want to give you an Aliyah. What is your name?”
The man answers, “Esther bas Moshe.”
The Gabbai says, “No, I need your name.”
“It’s Esther bas Moshe,” the man says.
“How can that be your name?”
The man answers, “I’ve been having serious financial problems, so everything is in my wife’s name.”