Joseph +1. Basically, the Religious Zionists choose to identify themselves by their Zionism instead of their Chareidism.
It is possible to be Chareidi and to be zionistic. I know people like that.They are people whose identity is that they are “Chareidi” and they feel that being zionistic is just a part of that and not what defines them.
Rav Elchonon Wasserman is quoted as saying that you can’t have Torah and something else. If something is part of Torah, then it is included in Torah, and if it’s not part of Torah, then it shouldn’t be part of your belief system.
In terms of some of the examples you gave, you can be Chareidi and go to the army or college.
Also, Religious Zionists is a very large group and it includes a wide range. There are people who say that there are basically two types of Religious Zionists – dati-lite and Chardal. When I first heard that, I wasn’t sure how accurate it was, since I thought there was a large middle ground. However, since I am back in EY, I have noticed that there does seem to be a growing polarization within the Religious Zionists (although I do not know the extent of it).
There are many Religious Zionists (dati-lite) who keep some halachos and not others and do not follow Daas Torah (even the Gedolim of the Mizrachi world). I personally know people in those circles who do not know the difference between following the Poseket who lives next door and following Gedolim. This may be in total innocence and they may be tinok shenishba. Personally, I would call many of those people Religious as opposed to Frum. In the US, they would be considered LWMO or possibly OO (some of the people I know believe in women Rabbis).
Regarding the Chardalniks, it is possible to consider them Chardal – that is what Chardal stands for – Chareidi Leumi. On the other hand, some might argue that by calling themselves Chareidi Leumi, they are choosing to call themselves something other than Chareidi. So I guess it’s up to them how they choose to define themselves.