Big Golem – I can’t tell you what Shloimel meant, but I can tell you what that means from my own experience. Over the past more than 2 decades, I have gotten a lot of mussar regarding dating and marriage. I have been told a lot of things, including a lot of contradictory things, and a lot of ridiculous things, and a lot of insulting things. There have probably also been some intelligent things mixed in, but unfortunately few and far-between.
However, it has almost never (if at all) been mentioned that I should have an emotional connection with my chosson or husband. No one (or almost no one) has ever said that I am supposed to like the guy at all, whether before marriage or after marriage.
Marriage has always been presented to me as a chiyuv – something you are supposed to do because it’s a Mitzvah, and something that I am supposed to feel guilty about not having done yet. The purpose of getting married is to support someone in Kollel because my life is meaningless since I’m a girl and have no chiyuv to learn, and my only purpose in life is to support someone in Kollel. But you don’t need an emotional connection for that.
Just so no one should get the wrong idea- I don’t think the last part is a common message in the Frum world – it was my own personal experience because of the people I happened to know.