GAW: “There is no heter for ???? and ???? ???. And yet, this is what goes on on most dates after the first (assuming things are “going well”).
This is a good point. Each date should be L’Toeles, not for “???? and ???? ???”. If one gets to the point where the dates are “flirtatious”, the the couple needs to scale back.
I would hope in Yeraim communities where dating is L’Toeles, there is not ???? and ???? ???.”
There are people (super-Yeshivish super-tznius people) who feel that a certain amount of that may be necessary.
There is also a difference between older singles and younger singles. While it is possible that it is not necessary for younger singles, it is definitely necessary for older singles (within appropriate bounds of course).
And I would think that to some degree it is needed for most younger singles as well in order for the dating to serve the purpose it is meant to serve.
(by the way, I am defining “schok” and “kalus rosh” according to a broad definition which is the halachic definition if I am not mistaken).