ZD – in addition to everything else, I suspect that JA is not in one of the more typical schools in Lakewood. There is a range of schools in Lakewood, and I think she may be in one of the ones whose raison d’etre IS to be more stringent than the others.
I think a parent who was sending her kids to the most stringent BY in Yerushalayim once told me that the school explained why they have to be so strict. Since they are considered to be the strictest school, if they loosen their standards (and allow the girls to just follow halacha), the other schools will become even looser (below halacha).
You don’t have to agree with this approach. But then don’t send there. That is why there is a variety of schools – because there are a variety of girls with different needs.
In an out-of-town community with one community school, it is very different. Since everyone has to go to the same school, the school has to be more flexible.