chananya,
I’ve never received answers to the following questions that drive a stake right through this propaganda:
I don’t consider myself a proponent of age gap or any other theory. As a “BT” with young children, I have little personal experience with these issues. Your questions (challenges), however, don’t seem to drive a stake through anything.
1. Proponents of this theory inevitably believe in the concept of a bashert and that God created a soul-mate for every person born. So how do they explain from a theological perspective how God could possibly be responsible for a demographic imbalance, as only He could be?
I would guess that proponents of the age gap theory would agree that everyone has a designated besheret, but that personal and communal behavior may prevent people from finding their besheret.
2. How is it moral and ethical for a shadchan to suggest anything other than the most suitable match for her client, and instead let a presumed demographic issue factor into her matchmaking?
I would guess that proponents of the age gap theory would answer that shadchanim are already not suggesting suitable matches for their clients due to societal constraints.
3. How is it moral and ethical for a shadchan to hide from singles that they are influenced by outside factors?
I would guess that proponents of the age gap theory would reply that their advocacy is intended to highlight and tamp down outside influences that are already at play.
4. If it is true that women are at such a terrible disadvantage, why are women so quick to turn down suitors, often for the most trivial reasons? That is hardly the behavior one would expect from people who are supposedly competing for a mate from an endangered species. Did single women fail to get this memo?
1. It seems demeaning to state that “women” turn down suitors often for trivial reasons. Maybe they seem trivial to you, but to them their reasons may not be. And remember that we are discussing teenagers or early 20-somethings.
2. I would imagine that many women would prefer no marriage to a horrible one.
Again, the next person who directly and pointedly responds to these questions instead of insulting me and claiming I lack mathematical acumen will be the very first.
I tried my best.