“there is no right or wrong”
I agree with JJ that sometimes there is absolutely right and wrong, but I think a better description would be that nobody is free of some blame. Yes, abuse victims are not AT ALL to blame for the abuse. But within the MARRIAGE, there MAY be areas of blame to be placed on both parties.
Regarding empowering the wrong people – A fireand of mine was concerned about her relationship months after her second son was born. She found out her husband had not only been going to counseling, but that the thereapist recommended that he follow up on his feelings of being attracted to other men and “be true to himself” instead of stifling himself in a false relationship that wouldn’t be fair to anyone.
Separate from the underlying attraction issue, is that really how you steer someone who is ALREADY in a marriage and just had a second child? Is that REALLY in everyone (or anyone’s best interest?) That therapist did a lot to convince him that he was hurting his wife by staying with her and that he should explore who he really is.