It can be hard to know because a couples lives are so intertwined and they affect each other very much. One could say the same about the husband as well. I would say the best litmus test is to be work on yourself in your marriage in a substantial way (specific kabbola/ hachlata), for a substantial amount of time (say a month).
If she responds in kind, then you know that she was just your barometer. If she doesn’t appreciate it and thinks it’s all coming to her, and doesn’t reciprocate in any way, then she’s a bad wife. But you anyways don’t lose out by working on your middos.