@avocado- my children don’t always obey. I meant they were far more obedient than some of their friends whose parents would say “do this again, and we’re leaving”, but not take their kids home. I had a friend that instead of saying “wait till tatty gets home”, said “wait until I tell your teacher”. If you set clear boundaries for your children, they are less likely to consistently push the boundaries because they know there will be consequences.
I consider them well adjusted, happy, and loving. They know that they are allowed to question things they are told as long as they do so respectfully, because if they understand why I’ve made a decision (or their teachers, etc), it is not blind obedience, which I believe leads to further issues.
One of my children has a medical condition, and as a result some issues with learning, low confidence, mental stuff, etc. While her esteem is low, I am frequently told by teachers that she has no problem saying that she doesn’t understand a lesson, she will ask a teacher for extra help- a problem with low confidence would not do.
I’m not saying they’re perfect, that they are happy with every decision we make, that they get up every single morning without issue. They are kids after all.
I completely understand the concerns about obedience. No amount of therapy will ever “cure” me from some of the things my mother did when I was younger because of the expectations she had of me and the fears she gave me. When my oldest acted out recently, my mother said I should remove every item from her room, let her sleep on the floor without blankets until she comes around. I explained to my daughter why I was unhappy with the way she acted and why she needs to act differently (the situation was beyond her control because of her illness). She went to bed angry, but in the morning she apologized and now tries not to repeat her mistakes. Good discipline is when there’s growth at the end of the situation. My only goal is to raise my children better than I was.