Dorah-“If a young woman decides a young man is not a good match for her, than she should stay with that decision. Whatever YOU and some of the bochur’s family and friends may think about his virtues are irrelevant. It is only HER standards that count, after she considers the views of all those she trusts.”
-noone is forcing anyone to get to know or marry someone who they don’t want that’s an obvious. What you don’t seem to get is that “HER” standards, are not really her standards. They are standards that were instilled into her mind by others and anything less than that will not work for her.
And on what bases is a “young woman” deciding that a young man is not a good match for her? Just becaue he doesn’t have a career doesn’t make him a bad guy. Again for those “powerful” women out there who have a career and don’t need a man then good for them. They look for a guy who makes even more than them and end up being his trophy wife which means what it sounds. Maybe they will regret later maybe not but yes, that’s their decision.
But many girls out there who don’t think that way, think that way nowadays becaue of what their surroundings make them perceive as ‘standards”. So yes when there are such good guys out there who for whatever reason didn’t yet land some career and work hard at a regular job or trade, and are being viewed as unqualified, then we have an issue.
What’s wrong if someone has a regular stable job. They aren’t worthy of getting married? They don’t deserve someone in their life? Who said they won’t get something better later in life or advance or get a better opportunity? And ehks to say the one with the career won’t lose it? And where do we factor in someone’s personality, caring, respectful, giving,considerate,patient, fun to be around, attentive and so on?
My point isnt that everyone should settle for what they don’t want. My point is that many are skipping over quality unique individuals becaue they “think” they will be settling since the false standards have been established.
And for the comment about love comes after. I never said love at first sight where did I write that? Obviously it comes after and you build towards it which strengthens my point about how many girls are taught that perfection should be strived for before you even get married, and that could not be further from reality. Your list of pre-qualifications and standards can be thrown out the window. Many who think they got perfect are deeply disappointed shortly after. And the other way around.