Nom – The first time I heard that term used was when I was 19 and I was at the funeral of my 17 year old sister. I am not sure if I understood what the speaker meant at that time but I would definitely say that if someone wants to use that term/understanding of a situation it is fine, but should not be directed toward the mourners.
It is interesting that you mention powerlessness. I did mention to a friend that I believed that the powerlessness was probably the biggest trauma to the hatzalah team. I never thought about it in terms of the bystanders tho. Thank you for another place to be empathetic. I always appreciate different perspectives of things, and I know mine is skewed a bit because of the young deaths I experienced early on.
It’s also nice to see you are alive and well.