Dear ADHD,
I feel your pain as an adult with untreated ADHD.
i can only echo @bigissy that if with current meds, it’s still affecting your marriage and mental health then it’s vital to <u>stay<u> with a good psychiatrist who can adjust and review the meds until you’ve got a level that works for you.
If your marriage setup is that your wife needs you to babysit 7-8pm, but that the meds have worn off by then and it’s torture to just sit with the kids, then either (most likely) you probably need longer-lasting meds, perhaps with melatonin (crefully timed) to make sure you can still get to sleep.
Or instead offer to get the kids ready for school in the morning when the meds are working fine, and explain that ideal babysitting for you in the evening is torture? Or perhaps it’s necessary to get a nightly babysitter no matter the expense.
Playing video games with kids everytime you’re babysitting would drive any wife crazy, so perhaps music, an exciting book or something else can work that makes it possiblef or you to bear the understimulating activity of babysitting without resorting to activities that make it bearable for you, but aren’t an ideal way to take care of child. I find having a shiur/podcast/music on with wireless earphones and ability to pause with 1 button press makes it possible to watch the kids but also be there when needed.
Take your wife with to psychiatrist! It’s vital she’s with you on the journey and understands your condition and realises what is and isn’t possible.
And yes ADHD has many advantages, it’s part of your character and she married you
Finally maybe try ADHD coaching e.g. Abraham (Avrohom) Beurer 845-459-3164. It’s costs money but can be cheaper than having real marriage issues and requiring couple therapy.