Shimon, I believe you have the idea of love inverted. You say that if one does not love his wife, he should get divorced and find someone he loves, or force himself to love her. It seems as though you’re saying that love comes first, and is then evidenced by wanting to care for and give to one’s wife. That is, pardon my bluntness, very goyish. Goyim believe that love is natural and comes by itself for some inexplicable reason.
The Torah is saying the opposite. By placing financial and emotional responsibilities on the husband, the Torah is creating a recipe for love that will promote sholom bayis. Responsibility and unconditional commitment are the keys that unlock a loving marriage. They are not results, they are causes.