amom, I hear you. (and I am sure Israeli kollel wives will deny that they have difficulties and find a tirutz for your concerns).
We have a lot of halochos that are built to maintain good social behaviors even in the face of potential bad behavior. As the daf is starting ketubos – we encourage chatanim to spend some money on the wedding – so that he has hard time deciding soon after the marriage that single life was better, why just not give her a get … and, in general, we have a ketubah and not saying “most husbands will be good”. what I am saying here, there are modern mechanisms to monitor business and learning processes – and I am wondering whether they are used or could be used. Say, I can see how my kids learned math by looking at standardized test. I can’t evaluate their mishna skills with the same precision, and you probably can’t evaluate your husband’s learning – or even his learning when you were getting married. Maybe, every rosh yeshiva provides exact feedback on the level of learning to brides & wives, do they?