Shailah: Dear Rabbah, Now that I have transitioned to reflect my true inner self, do I continue being a kohen like when I was trapped in my birth body? Or am I now a new person and should begin a new spiritual journey from scratch? Your student who learned to seek emotional justifications without boundaries
Teshuvah: Wow! You are a true cis Yisrael! (Name that Jacob assumed when he recovered from his hallucinations after realizing that he had misjudged his brother Esau.) We our so proud you are part of our chevrah! (Groupthink) The new you is of a most high spiritual status. We would love to receive your brachos! (Catechism that reminds us to think of the environment before we eat.)
Ideally, you should still go up to the duchan (Platform in front of the holy [According to some.] ark. Or wherever else we decide to put it.) for Birkas Kohanim. (Catechism about equality and equity.) However, the Talmud (A set of legends that we are in the process of reinventing.) records a tradition that the Shechinah (God’s Presence. The feeling of being below the Kohanim made the Jews of yore depressed and delusional.) rests on the Kohen’s hands. Therefore the congregation is forbidden from staring at the Kohanim so that they shouldn’t be uncomfortable. (We have to be cognizant that elitists are very ashamed of their own religion.) The halachah states that a Kohen may not bless the people if there is cause for the congregation to gaze at his hands. [We are all looking at the kiddush (Ritualistic rite to invite non Jews to come dine with us) menu anyways. We read the menu already. At this point in the service, we are hiding our phones inside them.] Surely, our chevra (elitist groupthink) will admire your courage to be your true self and may not abstain from gazing where they shouldn’t. (Because we never tell anybody not to do anything.)
Therefore, I think you would be better suited for a higher spiritual blessing. By my authority as Rabbah, (City in the Bible) I am adding a new section to the tefillah (A composition of prayers that was unjustly foisted on the public). In between the two supplication’s after birkhat hashachar (Blessed be the black one.) you will then bless the chevrah (Plain old elitism.) that they should find the courage to be their true selves and arbitrate their religious conflicts as they see fit.
Please let me know if you plan to attend services monthly, yearly, or depending on who sponsors the kiddush (Actually, it’s a sacrament that atones for Jews that wouldn’t share their wine with non Jews.) so that I can compose a special nusach. (Either cantorial piece or mumbling.)
Hatzlachah! (A man may now spit at you if you don’t take off his shoe.)
PS I know that you don’t care for Hebrew. I am now passing this to Quintasha to translate the words you may not understand. Even though she is not Jewish, I thought it was proper to have her as my assistant. She is especially interested in impressionable young people like yourself. You can reach out to her directly for any guidance on your exciting journey.
Epilogue: Dear Rabbah, I decided I won’t be coming back to services after all. Quintasha taught me a lot about equity and I am going to Africa to help the natives by joining ISIS. Thanks for always standing by me!