CS, you seem to claim to have answered my request for pirmary sources by citing a number of quotes from a number of your rebbes. But I don’t see how any of them say that a person is meant to try to see exactly where he is holding on the rasha-beinoni-tzaddik scale.
Knowing one’s maalos and chisronos is not the same as knowing where one is on the scale. It is just an indication of what requires more work and what requires less.
You also wrote: “Don’t forget your primary friend in this sense is your spouse- so see how s/he relates to you/ enjoys your company, if you want a guide for you middos.”
Sorry, but I can’t accept that. If one gets on with one’s spouse – I certainly hope that’s the case! – the spouse has been moulded and moulded you in a way that you think alike and agree on many matters, especially if you have been married for some time,. Someone who thinks like you, and has adapted to your views and middos, is the last person to help you improve.
Was this claim of yours something the Lubavicher rebbe actually said, or something you came to yourself or heard in sem?