Good morning!
First of all I’m sorry to hear you are suffering in your struggle.
I am BT so some things are easier for me and some things harder. Obviously we all know this in our heads but sometimes we forget in our hearts. H-Shem loves each of us more than we can possibly know. He knows the challenges we face. Every single one of us makes mistakes and H-Shem loves us so much before the mistake and just as much after the mistake. You are loved more than you possibly can know and He knows the temptation and struggle he makes in you and understands all of your mistakes and my mistakes and everyone’s mistakes.
The recommendation to speak with a chabad rabbi/Rebbetzin is probably bec they deal with people with questions routinely. I mean they go out in the community and people who are struggling or thinking that they are the only ones with such and touch problems come to them. They are generally very sympathetic and understanding. Your community might be the same but some are more and some or less. I find that chabad is universally, thoughtful, understanding, and loving and nonjudgmental. If you have a good relationship with your parents, they would probably be the first ones to speak with but it’s possible they might not have so much experience also in which case and experienced Rabbi or Rebbetzin might be better. Personally, I found that Chabad has just been really easy to talk to.