CS: With my daughter, I agreed that the woman who visited was not dressed up to par, for the sake of clarity, but then taught her how to view the positive. This is how we were taught and how we uplift and are uplifted. That’s how lubavitch can hold any kind of person under its umbrella.
Very nice… in theory. But in practice what it often leads to is that the frum kid sees the other non-tznius person as ok overall, because she has been told what a baalas chesed she is, and she tends to downgrade the importance of tznius.
I’m not saying this for the sake of being argumentative. I have seen many Lubavicher and non-Lubavicher kids go off because of this type of thing: “Yes, it’s wrong that he doesn’t wear a yarmuke, but look at how he supports so many tzedoko organizations,” and the like. The kid picks up that he can trade one for the other.
IMHO (I know. You don’t think I’m humble at all. True. But my opnion is.) the way to keep the kid aligned is to say something like, “It’s great that that woman does so much chesed, but unfortunately it’s really terrible that she is not tzniusdik. What a pity. Her chesed would be worth so much more.”