OP “I’ve been struggling immensely with Yiddishkeit, but with the help of Hashem and my parents, I did not go completely off.”
I reiterate my original answer. Some questions in life don’t have fully satisfying answers. We aren’t privy to many of the mysteries of creation & how a loving G-d allows so much evil to exist in his world. When the seforim give answers to such questions, it’s only a small consolation to the questioning mind.
There’s so much more we will never understand in our current golus state.
However, there are individuals (like myself) that always want to get to the bottom of things & really understand our world. When you get one semi satisfying answer, a new question pops up, in an endless cycle of questioning & answering.
The downside to this is that after a while, you feel completely exasperated by the lack of clarity! Nothing seems to make sense anymore & there’s nobody that has the answers. Your Yiddishkeit begins suffering because how can you feel positivity in Avodas Hashem with so much uncertainty plaguing you?
Some people went completely off the derech because of this obsession to find the elusive truth & couldn’t.
The true answer to Why Hashem made the world one way & not the other is that he alone knows why. Theoretically, Hashem could have decided to make it any way he wanted to & get the result he wanted. He’s unlimited in his power & control.
Let’s trust him for the way he made it, let’s trust that this crazy world makes perfect sense because he’s in full control.
Asking Hashkafah questions is very important! Questions like why an I here? What’s my Avodah supposed to be, today in my circumstance? How do I balance all my obligations in life as a Yid? Excellent questions!
Questions like, Why was I born a Yisroel & not a Kohein? Why couldn’t Hshem create me in a way that obligates me in more Mitzvos? Irrelevant & distrusting of Hashem. I’m here to serve in Hashem’s army, whichever division he put me! Put on your army uniform & start marching to the beat! It makes no difference at all that others were given more prestigious positions (at least externally) than me! We are all part of the same army marching for Kovod Shomayim!