I once made a comment on a date after the guy opened the car door for me a few times. One time, there was a narrow space between parked cars, enough room for 1 person. I was closest to the passenger side. Now, I was unsure if i should step back which would be an obvious motion showing that i expected him to open the door, or as a ‘liberated’ and independent Bais Yaakov gradute, should i just do it myself. i made a somewhat sarcastic comment, “oh please, I can open it myself.” After repeating this to someone older and wiser, i got berated. Think about it this way she said, “the guy is doing his best, there is a certain amount that he is performing to put his best foot forward. Chivalry is good thing in this day and age, its a sign of respect.Dont mock his effort at trying to put his best foot forward.
What I could have offered gently and sensitively is, “I see there isn’t much space there, thank you for wanting to open it, maybe I’ll just squish through” or something along those lines.
Now, as an experienced dater, recently another guy got insulted. Yes, insulted and upset when I opened a door ahead of him. I think it had something to do with some idea of rigid male/female roles in his head. In conversation about it on another date, i deduced (intuited) that it had to do with his sense of kavod as well. Now, THAT was a real eye opener for me and really clarified things for me. My thoughts were, “Wrong move, buddy. It’s downhill from here. Have a nice life……NEEXXTT??”
I realize now. Taking a step back, walking slowlier (?) to the car and letting him have the chance to open the door if he wants, is the least i can do to make him feel good, chivalrous, protective, manly, respectful etc.
I’d be pleasantly surprised if my husband actually did that after marriage:)