smartcookie- I wonder what sect you belong to and where you live, because I think I want to live there! I know someone who “went off the derech” and the way the community treats this individual is horrible. this person is a sore thumb, an object of discussion and whispers. Many communities are like this. Anyone who is different is seen negetivly. Someone who went to a different elementary school then the majority of that shul or neighborhood is someone who is “not as frum as the rest” so ‘why should I bother talking to them’? Every person needs to be brought up as a unique person and should be taught according to their individual ways.
Yes, unfortunatly judging people is a major issue that many people face and we should learn to see that there are shivim panim latorah and no one way is correct. “dont judge your friend until you are in his place” (I wont try to transliterate it). We can never be in someone’s exact place (circumstances)so how can we ever judge them? You can never have the same family, friends, situation, neighborhood, upbringing ect. Everyone is unique.
I learned once that when moshiach comes every different type of Jew will sit around the shechina in a circle and point to Hashem saying “this is my G-d”. They are all in a circle to show that no one group/sect/type is better then the others. knitted kippas will sit next to black hatters, chasidish next to misnagdim… And who are we to judge them?