I’m not saying that I feel men’s attractions should change; rather, I don’t think that we should blame heavy girls for being unmarried. Thinking about some of the frum families I know, there are all four types represented in terms of weight: in the majority of the families I know, both husband and wife are average weight or slim. I also know a few families where both husband and wife are overweight, and two or three each where the wife is overweight and the husband is slim, or the wife is slim and the husband is overweight. In the second to last example, do I think that the husband finds his wife unattractive? No, of course not! If that were the case, how could they possibly live together and build a family? Granted, the majority of men perhaps prefer slim women, but so too the majority of women prefer slim men, and I don’t understand why we are only approaching this discussion from one angle.
I am thinking of one couple in particular where the husband is overweight and married to an average weight, pretty woman. He is my brother’s Rebbe, so I have been to their house for Shabbos and know them well. He happened to marry relatively later than most men do and must have dated dozens of women. “I waited and waited for my wife, and thank God she came!” he once said to me with a chuckle. Would you define him as insane? I certainly wouldn’t. It’s possible that all those women who came before his wife rejected the shidduch because of his weight, but she didn’t, and that’s all that matters. When a person looks to get married, he or she is not looking to marry the whole world- it only takes one! So it may be frustrating to have to wait longer for the right person to come along, but it will happen b’ezrat hashem for all the single men and women out there who are overweight. It may be a good idea for them to try to slim down a little for health reasons (and I am speaking here of those who are grossly overweight or obese, let’s say size 18 or 20 and up) but they should not do it only for the purposes of getting married.
Would you suggest that a slim woman who has an ugly face should undergo plastic surgery if she wants to get married?