Notpashut, first of all, I am sorry you feel misquoted. What I said was really tongue in cheek! I thought it came out that way but sometimes tone doesnt really show through.
Lets put R’ Miller’s statement aside for a moment….Now, I agree that for most people TV is destructive in many ways. However, that doesnt mean TV is bad, it just means if you cannot handle it, don’t use it. Also, there are plenty of ways to use TV for good – imagine if we had a kosher channel, with shiurim playing night and day! People who couldnt attend a shiur for certain reasons can see the shiur in action. Sometimes seeing how someone said something is very important! Imagine how well we could spread Torah. Yes, there are Torah tape libraries, but this is another way to spread Torah. You can have a TV service that just plays kosher things, the same way you have kosher filters on the internet. IMHO, the internet is more dangerous than TV because when you watch TV you can tell right away whats wrong, but with the internet, something thats basically kosher can turn into something unkosher. [The reason I said to take Rav Avigdor Miller’s statement out, is because I am not sure I hold by it AND I am not sure what constitutes a TV. I asked my Rav for some clarification on all this and am awaiting his response]
Now, as to having a Rav – are you sure it is the exception to have a Rav rather than the other way around? All the people I know (MO, yeshivish, chasidish) all have a Rav. Now, some people change rabbonim in their lives, but not on a constant basis! If they choose to pick the meikel or machmir side, at least they are choosing within halachic grounds. IIRC, there is some chazal that says something to the effect of “Dont live your life only machir or only meikel.”
Now about chumras: First, neither of us should have to be on the defense about the halachically acceptable path we follow. We just hold different shitas. Maikel and machmir or sort of relative terms, but being maikel doesnt mean “less frum” and being machmir doesnt mean “more frum.”
I guess sometimes its hard to define what is clearly a chumra and what is just a more machmir approach. I dont have a problem with saying “I rely on some kulos (per my rav).” That is fine with me – but I dont think you being more machmir in your approach makes you a halachically better Jew.
As for the bottle cap approach – if I didnt have one Rav, I would pick one to ask this question, and follow what he says. Yes, its better to have one Rav and be consistent, but at least you are getting a DIRECT answer, rather than what someone said one of the gedolim said. I always heard it was better to ask a Rav even if it means asking a different one a different question each time than to discern yourself what halacha to follow. [This doesnt mean to ask different rabbonim the SAME question, just that it is technically OK to ask different rabbonim different questions, even if you just want to rely on what each Rav is maikel on. Obviously not ideal, but still OK]
Lets look at my tuna fish example – I only eat dagim per my Rav. Its a more machmir approach. Does that mean people who eat Bumblebee tuna are following a halachically unacceptable path? No. Does it mean I am a better Jew for only eating Dagim? No. But its a more machmir approach. So, if I ate it, it wouldnt be kosherfor me, but for you its fine.
As for Mesilat Yesharim – I actually never learnt it. I just skimmed through it a bit (an english version) to get a bit of an understanding. I want to read it a little closer (which will take me some time), so I dont actually want to comment on the content. I do want to add that the mussar movement was sort of radical in its time – all changes are usually considered radical until fully accepted.
Now, I don’t think everyone who keeps a more machmir approach in life is silly, fanatical or incorrect, but I do think for ME, its not a good approach. I think I would wallow in details that arent neccesary to follow halacha. I think chumras are more of a personal thing and each person (with the help of their Rav) should decide what to take on.
ROB wrote a lot of great information. Thank you for what you added to the discussion!
As for what chazal say about watching yourself: I agree. And I do watch myself carefully. If I thought I was sliding (or someone pointed out to me that I was treading a thin line), I would put up gates. But right now, I don’t need them. I prefer to work on following all halacha, rather than working on chumras. In addition, there are plenty of gedarim already built in to halacha that I follow.