“oomis1150,
don’t feel bad about not being more persistent. Part of the problem is that the Borderline thinks he/she is perfect so I don’t see any way to get such a person to agree to go to therapy. But perhaps you can somehow get the spouse and kids to get therapy so they can deal with it without it destroying them emotionally. And give them lots of chizuk and support. “
You are right, of course,but the family members will not seek out therapy, and the kids have been brainwashed after two decades of mental and verbal abuse, into thinking this is normal. They crave any positive attention from the parent, and then rationalize away the bad behavior. The parent is excessively controlling, because it is the only aspect of life in which her or she has any control.