The Wolf,
I agree with you 100%.
noitallmr,
the problem is that its a catch-22. For most people who have parents like that, if one doesn’t back away somewhat then they won’t have the strength to fight any nisayon, let alone one as difficult as this one. i’m sure there are exceptions though, people to whom Hashem has given an unusually large dose of emotional strength.
oomis1105,
I don’t know these people of course, but from my experience its probably not that they think its normal, its probably more like they were brainwashed to feel like they don’t deserve any better treatment. But if they know that you are there for them you never know if at some time they will finally feel like they have had enough and you can give them suport to help them recover.
smalltowngirl,
I know exactly what you mean, I have the same situation. You have to set limits, but what works for me is to call as often as I can get myself to even though its extremely difficult and just tell yourself that you are doing this l’shem mitzvah and that you won’t take all the putting down seriously or let it affect your self esteem. Tell yourself that its caused by their shortcomings not yours and be proud of yourself for calling. Also if you remove any expectation from your heart that it will ever be different then it won’t be dissapointing every time you call or visit that nothing has changed. Also in my case when I’m told how much I fall short, if I just say sorry (even though I’m not), instead of defending myself, that ends the ranting much quicker.