Just saw this thread. Really impressed with you Teenager that you’re so desperate to improve and to become a better Jew. All of us can take a Chizuk from you even the much more religious that the chief goal of our being on this earth is just to seek to become closer to G-D and his ways. I think that if you try a bit then G-D will help you a lot and you’ll be able to see Hashgacha Protis along the whole way.
Keep it up and thanks again for enlightening me!