JF02, I am really so sad for the tzaar you have experienced at such a young age. I am in total agreement that the middos of the person, male OR female, are more important than yichus, learning, money, or anything else. It seems that in spite of your losing your father at such a tender and influential age, that he raised a fine daughter in the short time he had with you.
I think that it is equally important for boys and girls to watch how their prospective in-laws interact with each other, before making a final decision whether or not to get married. Children often imitate what they have seen in the home Does the father treat the mother with respect, do the siblings seem to love each other, are they comfortable whent hey are all together , these are the things I want to know.