JayMatt, it’s not a problem of spilling the beans as much as how I described it, at least that’s my experience and what I heard at a local shidduch shiur addressed by a rav and shadchan.
Oomis, what’s happening with the girls is that someone comes up with a name, not necessarily a shadchan, the girl looks into it, then they try to find a shadchan to redt it. Happened to me recently, someone suggested a boy’s name, this someone not being in a position to redt it but would have tried to find someone if I was interested. I tracked down excellent people to ask about him, then I thought about it. It would definitely get back to the family that I was looking into him and they’d never even heard of us. It felt slimy and invasive so we’re waiting till it can be done k’seder.
Joseph, sorry if our sensitivities are different.