More Tips:
11. Date yourself first. Make a cheshbon as to what type of people/qualities bring out your good side and make you better. Make sure you can do this to the point that you will be capable of getting engaged to the 1st person you date. It burns me when people say no to their 1st, solely because it is their 1st and they don’t know what else is out there.
12. Unless something you realize something is totally awry, you should go on a 2nd date.
13. Yes looks are important. Yes, if you think all redheads are ugly, you can tell a shaddchan “no redheads”. But beauty is skin deep. There are plenty of happly married people who did not find their spouse attractive initially. (Ask your Rov or Mentor when to stop dating someone you don’t find attractive)
14. Beware of Shochad!! Shochad (bribe) comes in many different forms (e.g. looks, money, yeechus, the other person likes you). Make sure your Rov or mentor can help you navigate when you are blind (hashochad y’aaver…)
15. Look at the other person’s potential as well (are you on the same path, at the same pace?). Remember you are not marrying a finished product (and if they view themselves as a finished product…RUN)
16. NEVER TAKE A SHADDCHAN’S WORD ON FACE VALUE (view them as a salesman, remember there is shochad for the shadchan as well (yes, I say this to people who we set up as well).
17. Chazal say that there should be mechus darga (i.e. that the husband wants to be looked up to by his wife, and that the wife wants to look up to her husband.) This can be accomplished many different ways (e.g. smarts, age, money…) but it should be accomplished
18. Remember that this is going to be one of the most influential people in your kids life. Their middos (good and bad) will be emulated by them.
19. Daven, Daven, Daven. Daven that it go quickly, easily and clearly!
Hatzlacha